M Mag's Girl Exploit's- Ultimate Shame

*The name of the girl in this story has been changed so as to not offend or horribly tarnish a human being's reputation.

Before I begin the story of the 'disappearing act' I need to fill you in on some background information, so that you can fully understand the trashiness of this girl and her lack of morals. Around the middle of September me and a couple of boys went out drinking and after a lame night of shuffling between Third Avenue bars we decided to settle in at a local college bar. As I walked passed the bouncer and surveyed the bar we could see the place was pretty dead for a Thursday night. A few older couples at the bar and some rag tag's hanging around caught my peripherals, until my sights set on a blond at the corner of the bar who immediately eye fucked the shit out of me. She was pretty, with a petite body supporting surprisingly large tits, and before I could even head towards her I knew that this was a lock down sure thing. Somehow she recognized me from a party earlier in the year and began chatting my ear off about the Wrestling team and all the different friends of mine she knew. A little less than ten minutes later we were making out at the bar with my friend's giving me the thumb's up from behind her back. Unfortunately her friend (hideous beast) had begun a flirtatious conversation with a fireman, who had been sitting alone at the bar. Making out at the bar was already boring me, so I decided to try and entice her back to my apartment. Just my luck, when she turned to tell her bestial friend that she was leaving with me she realized that the creepy fireman was hitting on Shrek. Not wanting to leave her friend with the fire dude, I officially got chopped and screwed from a sure night of ground and pound. At this point I actually respected this girl, Cait, and exchanged numbers with her, not expecting much from the future except a possible booty call when I had a lonely night.

A week later I met up with Cait at a bar with some friends and realized immediately why I had been sick of her so quickly the first night. I was obviously not drunk enough and hearing her long island accent (the worst kind, honestly girls with long island accents should all jump off a bridge or just super glue their mouths shut) felt like a nail gun being driven into my skull. After a half hour of dreaded conversation I had enough, and brought her back up to my apartment so that the night would not be a total loss. Just as I had gotten her shirt off and revealed her abnormally large breasts for such a tiny body i heard the front door slam. My room mate, Dick, had just gotten home and was beyond wasted. Dick has a history of getting hammered because I am not sure he understands the concept of social drinking, It's all or nothing. I had forgotten that the entire night he had been texting me, telling me to wait up for him so that we could hit the bong when he got back. Belligerent as he was, he began NFL style punting my closed door and yelling at the top of his lungs for me to come out. "Mag Get the Fuck up I am going to kill you, wake the fuck up!!" he screamed as he relentlessly smashed my door. I thought that the building was going to fall down and crumble under an earthquake because he was smashing the door so hard. I looked over at Cait, and realized he had royally fucked me over. She was terrified and had immediately started putting her clothes back on and collecting her things. "Holy shit, who is that? Oh my god I have to go, I am sorry!" she exclaimed. I couldn't believe that Dick had just cock blocked me with his drunken rage and opened the door only to be greeted by his beer breath and huge hug. She ran past the both of us and went right out the front door, I shouted sorry and thought that there was no way anyone could have left in a quicker fashion. Little did i know this was just the beginning...

Fast forward three weeks: After some random texts and phone calls throughout the past month Cait and I had kept in contact, I decided it was time to bring her up to my apartment for another try. After a few blunts and beers it was time to scroll through the phone book and find a girl for the night. I settled on Cait and sent her a text to come up to my place if she wanted to hang. I should have known at this point there was something a bit off with her, because no sane girl would willingly degrade herself, not only by accepting this blatant booty call, but to also take a cab from her downtown dorm all the way to my place on her own dime. Fifteen minutes later i get a ring on my doorbell, answer the door and let Cait in. We kept the chatting to a minimum as we made our way to the bed and started fooling around. I wont go into details but her head was decent and after finishing I laid back to try and pass out. If there is one thing that I hate about college it is the absurdly small bed's, they are not big enough for a leprechaun to sleep in let alone a guy and a girl. After minutes of restlessness I gave up and decided that I didn't care if I ever saw Cait again, but there is no way she was sleeping in my bed. "So yeah I am pretty tired, your going to have to leave I can't sleep with you in here" I mumbled and hoped she would take the extreme hint to leave. "Are you serious? Whatever!" she snapped back and started rustling around the room gathering her things. Still half asleep I grumbled a good bye, expecting to talk to her the next day and thank her via text.

I woke up at around seven and rushed to the bathroom because I had to piss like a race horse, as I was passing the common room I noticed three bodies laying on our futon. With the thought of urine flooding my mind i rushed for the bathroom. After washing my hands I stepped back out into the common room to look closer at the futon and the three bodies. I knew that Lee, my current roommate but who was not living with us yet was staying the night. At first I was proud that he had conquered some chick on our futon, but upon closer inspection found out I was very wrong. The second hump was Simon, who had drunkenly passed out on the futon without being able to make it into his bed only ten feet away. The third hump under the blanket was a small, petite, pretty, blond who was completely naked. Doing a double take I realized that this was in fact Cait!!! I tapped her on the head, "Uhhh, What the fuck are you doing?" She awoke suddenly with the frightened look of a deer caught in headlights. "Uhh, Wait, where... am... I? OH MY GOD!!!" She leaped up out of the futon like a gazelle avoiding a lion, exposing her completely bare body and sprinted into my room.

I followed her into my room with a puzzled expression and asked her what the hell she was doing on the futon with Simon and Lee. She had no idea what had happened, or why she had gotten out of my bed and wandered into the common room futon. I was too tired to deal with the ridiculousness of her disappearance so I fell back asleep while she sat on my bed trying to figure out what the hell she had just done. To this day I am still unsure of what she was thinking considering she was more or less sober from what I could tell. I was not asleep long when I woke up again to the sound of my room mates screaming and pounding on my door. Usually I sleep with my door cracked open, so when it is closed my roommates know that there is a girl in my room. Simon began his relentless pounding and yelling for me to open the door. "Yo man! Open up! Yo, who is in there! I am going to fucking kill you open the door!". I looked to my left and saw Cait, who once again had made a horrible decision. Instead of bolting for the safety of her dorm earlier in the morning she chose to fall asleep next to me. She woke up to the door pounding and screaming but was somewhat accustomed to this after her first incident. "Yeah that sucks, they are all out there, and I am pretty sure they saw you naked" I said sarcastically. "Well, What am i supposed to do? How can i leave?" she asked with a look of terror written across her face. I tried to be as honest as possible with my response but knew that any option was going to be humiliating after reading my most recent text message. 'Yo man who the fuck was sleeping on the futon with us? Is that girl in there?'- Simon. I showed her the text and began to laugh when she looked as if she had just shat her pants. "How do I get out?!! What am i supposed to do??" she asked. "Well, you can either just leave and say good-bye and risk passing them, or you can try to wait it out and make a run for it" I explained bluntly. I couldn't have cared less considering I already knew how hilarious the situation was, and I was not embarrassed at all because Cait is actually a good looking girl. She gathered all of her things, waited until Simon's voice had disappeared, and then stared at me. "Well now's your chance, go for it!" I said. She screeched good bye, opened my door and sprinted towards the front and only exit. I rolled out of bed and the walked into the common room when Sidney flew past me. He heard the door slam and realized Cait was trying to make her getaway. In just his underwear Sidney teared for the front door, opened it and started screaming down the hallway "Who is that! HAHAHA Who are You!! HAHA!!" he screamed and pointed at her as she was fleeing down the hall towards the elevator. This was by far the worst walk of shame that any girl had ever taken from my room. I debriefed my roommates on what happened and after confirming their belief that Cait was in fact the third person sleeping on the futon with them, completely naked, they were all rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. This girl had left my room, bare naked, and instead of leaving for home when I kicked her out of my bed, actually climbed into the futon and under the covers with strangers. God only knows what she was thinking but I have never seen someone so embarassed.

Believing the story was over my roommates and I decided to head to Paladium brunch. At Paladium brunch anything in the world one could think of was served buffet style for breakfast, so it was obvious sunday hang over recovery spot. We had all sat down with our first round of food when we looked towards the entrance and guess who strolls in behind a couple of her sorority sisters, Cait. Simon decides to stand up and give her a grand entrance, "Caaaaiiiit!!! Heeeeyyyy!!!" he screamed across the dining hall accompanied with a grandeous wave. She turned, saw who yelled, looked at me as i shrugged a sorry and turned red as a tomato. She rushed out of the dining hall and never looked back.

Assholes we may be, but this is one hilarious chain of events.